Last night, I was called “too judgemental” by a dear friend. While I was taken aback with her judgment about me, I decided to look within.
So, I observed my mind. Since morning, chunks of judgments had been floating in my mental space: that colleague was too dominating. That friend was too stupid. That boy was too rude. There was something or the other that I had to say about everyone. Judgments frequented my mental space unabashedly all the time!
And judgments alone did not pose a problem. The problem was the bucket of negative emotions carried by every judgment of mine. So, the colleague was not just dominating. I cultivated anger for her behavior too.
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Most unfortunately, the judgment and the anger does not disappear within a day or two. It remains with me for days, months and sometimes, even years.
I had to do something about this. Not for my friend but for myself! Here is a strategy that I have started following to stop the vicious loop of judging people and succumbing to negative emotions:
Question your judgments
How do you know if your judgment about someone is the ultimate truth?
Maybe you’re judging them too soon or have misunderstood them. Give the person the benefit of doubt. Question your judgments before settling your mind into one.
Let your judgments be fluid
Judgments stick to us like super-glue when we forget life’s simple truth- that people change. Their opinions, their behaviors, their equation with you - everything is liable to change.
With your subjects as fluid as the wind, there is no reason why you shouldn't let our judgments be as fluid!
If judgments are lighter like air, like a breeze, they bring in fragrance, then move away. They could bring a foul smell, then move away. They should not stay there forever.
See the possibility that people and things can change at any time and don’t hold on to judgments.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Be compassionate
“Only when you are full of love and compassion, can you ever be free from all judgments,” says Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
Each one of us has some dislikeable traits. If we let judgments distance us from people, we will lose some of the most beautiful human connections in our lives. So, instead of judging, let us be compassionate. Let us put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and treat them with love and respect.
You’ll be surprised at the amount of love you will receive back!
Meditate
Judgments cannot stay in the presence of compassion. Yet, inculcating an intangible trait like compassion seems to be too far-reaching, or so we think! Studies show that even eight weeks of regular meditation can make one kinder.
In addition, meditation elevates our prana level or energy - something which makes us judge less and relish the present moment more.
Written by: Vanditaa Kothari
(Based on GurudevSri Sri Ravi Shankar’s wisdom talks and inputs by Amol Wagle, Faculty, The Art of Living.)
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