Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
What is Love? - 12 July 2012 - QA 3
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
The basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates. Got it?
If there is one substances by which everything is held together and you want to give it a name, you can call it love. It is the basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates.
Love is not all wiggly wiggly and mushy mushy, "Oh I can’t live without you, I love you so much", and so on. It is not that. That is just an emotional something. Love means (silence)… that is it.
Love is indescribable. You can’t describe it. And there is not a creature on this planet who doesn’t know it. From the insect to the lion, from a chicken to an enlightened person, everybody has experienced love. Love for life is what we think it is, but life itself is love. So see, through this knowledge, that the whole universe is love.
Love is not just an emotion, it is your very existence. The earth loves the sun, that is why it keeps going around the sun. The moon loves the earth, that is why the moon goes around the earth. Wherever there is a force, or there is energy, or a pull, or attraction, you call it love. And where there is repulsion that is also love in the opposite direction.
Why are you are drawn to somebody or something? It is because you love them. You see a cheesecake and you are drawn to it; you experience a pull, isn't it? You see a beautiful girl, or a girl sees a beautiful boy, there is a pull, and what do you call that? You call it love! Why? Because there is a pull, there is an attraction, there is a force. And that force is what manages the whole universe
Some places it is more obvious and some other places it is not obvious. The day the earth stops loving you, you will start flying. The earth loves you so much that the gravitational force keeps you glued to the earth. So love is that force in human life.
All the negative emotions are just a distorted form of love. In anger there is love. Ask me how? You love perfection and that is why you get angry. Greed is love. Greed is when you love something much more than life. When you love objects more than life, it is called greed. Hatred is love upside down. Fear is love upside down.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
That’s why it is important for you to know them and their friend circle. You will get to know what they do, where they go and keep a tab on them, especially when they are in their teenage. Teenage is a very difficult time. Teenagers are undergoing so many biological changes and so they are not just satisfied with the love of their parents. They look for love from outside – through emotional support or physical pleasure. Their mind is in such confusion. So, to deal with teenage children is a big task.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You simply serve them. Don’t pity them. You know, people with special needs, their soul is in a different state. They are not in a sorry state. They have come to this planet just to take service. With this attitude, you do service. Never have sympathy for them, ‘Oh poor child’. Children with special needs have come just to take service from you.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You can’t do anything about it now, you have to live life spontaneously. It is okay to sometimes lose your temper, never mind. You should leave a little room for imperfection in life, and start accepting. Some kids are there to teach you a lot of lessons, and it is okay for mothers and fathers to sometimes get upset with their kids. You don’t have to bring them up with all with sweet words all the time. Then you will make them very weak. I have seen parents who have never scolded their children. These children when they grow old, they can’t stand any criticism. A little criticism, a little disrespect from someone or a little bit of failure rattles them. They become so upset because they never experienced anything like that at home. So, at home, being upset with kids sometimes is like giving them a vaccination so that they get stronger. But don’t take this as an excuse to get upset all the time with the kids, it does not work. Too much of it is also bad. If you are scolding your children every day on a routine basis, they become so thick skinned and they go all the way to the other side, which is also not good. A little dose here and there is okay.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
That is why I say that it is important to instill the three types of trust in your children – trust in oneself, trust in the goodness of others, and trust in the Divine. A little bit of moral and spiritual values, and the way you treat your parents and ask them to treat their grandparents can make an impact on them. From a young age, tell your children to take care of their grandparents. They will start being sensitive this way.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I would say, ask yourself, have you given your 100% to the relationship. If you feel that you haven’t, then give it another try. And not just for one or two months, give it enough time, and give enough space for the other person to grow to your level, or for you to grow to their level. If it doesn’t work and if it is still only a struggle with no hope of some pleasure or some joy, it is better you go your way and still be friends, rather than making things very sour. Don’t waste your life; move on! There are so many things to do in life besides a relationship, so don’t get stuck.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You have already come out of it! When you want to come out of it, it is already done, isn't it? The main thing is to relate yourself to the divinity. If you have a relationship with the divine, you have a relationship with everyone. Then the question of establishing or breaking a relationship with anyone does not arise. In attempting to break also, one may get stuck badly. The more the mind tries to break away the more it gets pulled towards the relationship, and experiences pain. You neither want to stay nor leave. In leaving one feels as though some comfort is being lost, and in staying, the pain gets too intense and it is hard to stay on. So it is better to secure a relationship with the divine. This way, relationships with everyone else are automatically established.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You should ask yourself, “Have you put your 100% to make the marriage work? Have you done all that you could to please your spouse and make them happy, and still it has not worked?” Marriage means sacrifice. Sacrificing your desires for the good of the other and for the sake of the whole family. If you only keep thinking about your own wants then no marriage will work. You should see what “we” want. How “we” can progress and bring happiness to the family. Only if you keep your attention on that, will the marriage be successful. So if you have done your 100% and still it doesn’t work, and you find that you are totally incompatible, then instead of being in hell and both suffering, with a good understanding you say, "We cannot get along so you walk your way and I walk my way. Let’s be friends and be happy". So, one must part with this understanding. There is no point in living in a furnace all day and all night. But not like this gentleman who said that they had been married for forty years and suddenly after forty years, they realized that they we were never compatible. He is already seventy years old, and has been married for forty years and now he says, "We were never compatible.” Never mind, bear it for another five to ten years. Anyway, they say marriages are made in heaven, so when you go up there, you can resolve it.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You shouldn’t push them too much. You should teach them to relax. Music, meditation and some games will help. Take some time out to play games with your children, this is very important. Tell your children 'Compete with yourself. How you did last year, see whether you are doing better this year', that's healthy competition.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Expand your vision about yourself, about life and about this universe. This universe has been there for at least 19 billion years, and it is part of billions of galaxies. One amongst the billion galaxies is our Milky Way. So the Milky Way is actually very small. In the Milky Way, we have our solar system, which is the size of a dot in the Milk Way, and in that, there is our planet Earth, and in that there is you! One would have to take a lens to see you, and by the time they get to see you, you’re already gone (referring to the magnanimity of the universe in comparison with our existence). What is your life in comparison to the creation? In this multi-verse, planet Earth is so insignificant, and you are even more insignificant. Another factor is time. In so many billions of years, billions of people have walked this planet. There are seven billion people on this planet today, and many are being born every day and many are dying. Then what is your life? It’s like a blink of the eye, and you’re already gone! When you see your life from this bigger context, you realize that this is all nothing! You live for 80 years on this planet called Earth. Out of that, 35 years you spend sleeping, 10 years you spend in the bathroom, 10 years you spend eating, 25 years you spend working. The waking period in your life is so small. In that little time what is the point of saying, ‘Me, me, me?’ It is nothing! When you see life from a bigger context all the worries disappear and a new dimension opens up.