I will teach my daughter not to shy away from competition, stay committed to the process, and accept the outcome with valor and grace.
Competition is inevitable
As much as we resist competition, and as much as we want to give our children everything, the truth is that competition is inevitable isn’t it? Our children cannot have everything. Thus, as a parent I find myself asking, what good is competition, and how can I truly prepare my daughter for it?
Here’s where The 2020 Olympics at Tokyo was a breath of fresh air, with Indian Olympians rising from unimaginable challenges and shattering the standard norms of competition.
What’s really in store for my daughter?
Before I talk about that, as a new mother, I have been wondering what kind of world has my daughter stepped into. She started competing - even before she was born - for a seat in a good school. She will spend all her childhood and adolescence and maybe even longer, within systems where grades matter and you win or lose opportunities based on grades. If she conforms to the present societal expectations of pursuing any “mainstream career”, she, I imagine, will be running a long, long race.
Expectations are piled on even before birth. Parents want to have the perfect child, intelligent, good looking, co-operative and no fuss, with an easy birth, easy labor/no labor. The list just goes on and on.
Was it easier for me?
For my generation, the competition was healthier than it is today. With the advent of social media, peer pressure, and exposure to various platforms unknown to us earlier, the desperation to have it all at any cost has blurred the lines of ethics, morality, empathy, and humanity even.
I remember my parents telling me that it was the effort that counted rather than the result. That concept then changed to “smart work” from “hard work” but the crux remained the same. However, over the last decade, I saw it change to “results at any cost” and that justified shortcuts of all kinds.
As I entered my professional career, I noticed that as clinicians go deeper into their subject and practice, competition hardly matters. Clinical work is based on the relationships we develop with patients and the contentment of the work negates everything else.
However, as I took a break from clinical work, I started wondering how children today cope with the competition. It is ruthless, to say the least. The strongest anchor they have to deal with competition are the values instilled by the parents and good practices like meditation, yoga, and maintaining a spiritual perspective towards life. Parents have a pivotal role to play in this.
Courage at the Olympics
A recent example was of the Indian boxer Satish Kumar in the Tokyo Olympics, 2020. He had no reason to fight the bout with 13 stitches on his face, one of the most vulnerable and painful areas of the body. Nobody would have questioned him had he pulled out of his bout. Yet, he chose to fight, despite calls from his family to forego the bout. More than to compete, it was for the commitment to the sport, commitment to the nation, and the billions of people counting on him. That redefined competition for me. For Satish Kumar, it was not only the platform of the Olympics but also the fighting chance to play fair, give it his best shot and surrender the result to the Divine.
This defines the core of spirituality to me, having the courage to perform a hundred percent and being dignified about the results. Anyone can fight a battle with an advantage but the courage to give your best in not the best of situations is a very rare trait. It made me so happy to see people’s responses. Not counting the defeat, Satish Kumar is hailed as a hero, as a winner in his unique way.
Competition inspires commitment and 100% effort
This incident gave me a very deep insight. Competition will always be there, we all strive to be the best version of ourselves and evolve further but competing with courage and dignity even when the tide is not necessarily in our favor is the true spirit of competition and performance. This is what makes it healthy.
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar often talks about clarity in mind, purity in heart, and sincerity in action. If these values can be instilled in children by us as parents, then we are going to see a whole new world emerge. It is one thing to compete but it is a completely different thing to compete so gracefully that it brings laurels and respect for the very field the competition is being held in. The Tokyo Olympics has seen many fine examples of this phenomenon and I feel so proud that Satish Kumar belongs to India. Not only has he made India and boxing proud, but also I am sure his family couldn’t be prouder of him. These are the role models who will pave the way for many more children, redefining concepts and portraying the strength of a spiritual upbringing.
As a mother, it makes me hopeful and confident in a very beautiful way.
Dr Spandan Katti is an Osteopath, Dentist and Craniosacral Therapist with over 15 years of experience. She is the Asia representative for Pacific Association of Craniosacral Therapists (PACT). She is also visiting faculty for the Department of Osteopathy at Sri Sri University Odisha and teaches yoga and meditation with the Art of Living organization. She enjoys being a mother, cooking, meditating and laughing.
A little note: As community conversation facilitators, we believe in giving an individual the autonomy of expression. The views expressed in this piece are the author's own.
