“I don’t want my child to be useless!” “I want a well-mannered child.”
“I won’t tolerate my kid’s disobedience!”
Are you in a similar vein about strict parenting?
But, strict parents also experience that their children only comply with their rules temporarily. These parents view academic success as a top priority and analyze their parenting by their child’s grade performance.
The facts about strict parenting and mental health are revealing!
Authoritarian parenting is considered too strict in comparison to authoritative parenting. Authoritarian parenting is associated with negative developmental outcomes in children, such as higher symptom distress, low self-esteem and the development of avoidant coping strategies. A high level of psychological pressure in the authoritarian parenting style can also lead to internalizing symptoms (sadness, anxiety and loneliness) in children.
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Let us read through some of the over-strict parenting actions, their possible consequences and better options to develop a happy and responsible child.
Strict punishments
Is strict parenting abusive? Yes, when strict parents punish their children in the following offensive and brutal ways -
- to stand with arms raised under the sun for an hour on a hot sunny day
- beat with belts in front of friends
- berate brutally in public
- call names such as ‘fatty’ while simultaneously keeping the fridge stocked with anything but macaroni, cheese and bread.
How can parents be strict and responsive?
When you punish your children with the mindset of saving them from problems in life, it will benefit them and keep your mind calm. But punishing them because they hurt your ego, or that their mistakes bother you, will make your relationships bitter.
Driving out your children from home
Once a parent drove his son from home just because he got disqualified for his finals. Without reasoning about his child's failure, he became harsh with him. He didn’t help his child to take corrective actions. Did this make him rebel? Yes, it did.
Strict parenting has adverse effects like low self-confidence, delinquency, misbehavior, bullying, and mental health and self-regulating issues.
How can strict parenting be good?
In order to wean his son from a life of silver-spooned privilege, a Gujarati diamond merchant persuaded his son to go to Kochi incognito and survive on odd jobs for a month. The merchant put four conditions - work to earn, work at a place not more than a week, don’t disclose your identity, and don’t use a mobile.
Let them encounter such real-life experiences to appreciate the struggles of have-nots. Strict parenting is good to imbibe in your child realistic decision-making, which they have to take up in the long run.
Teach your children life skills by creating such opportunities (as per their capacity) for them to experience instead of being harsh and driving them out from home. It may seem that you are strict with your child, but such parenting may be a turning point in their life.
The Children and Teens program supports the overall well-being of children with empowering life skills, ancient yogic techniques and improved relationships between you and your children.
Expecting unquestionable obedience and respect for parents
Super strict parents develop a sneaky child. They behave nicely at home but act differently when their parents are not around. Thus, they learn to act out and tell lies.
Be authoritative parents
Instill trust and open up communication with your children. Have reasonable and age and capability-appropriate expectations.
Establishing rules without explanation
Super-controlling parents instill a distorted belief of power
in children. They want them to obey without question, clarification, or complaint.
The consequences are devastating if the child believes that they have to follow parental rules at all costs. Then any authority figure elder to them, having the abusing power, can take undue advantage of children. Some children may turn out hostile to school or administrative authorities or have a revengeful mind towards their parents.
Involve children in making family rules
Establish rules about safety, manners, daily routines, physical behavior and respect for each other. Involve your children and teens in making the list and help them understand the importance of the rules.
To sum it up -
Parenting needs both strictness (authority) and love. Authority and love seem to be contradictory, but in reality, they are not.
- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, “Authority without love is stifling and does not work. Love without authority is shallow.”
Parents need to be in the right combination in guiding their children. Be dispassionate and centered. When there is room for mistakes, you can be authoritative and sweet. That is how the Divine is – a perfect balance of both.
Reference links:
Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept
Billionaire dad sends son to Kerala to work as ‘aam aadmi’
Related links
Questions and answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar - have answers to questions like, “Gurudev, is there a punishing God?”
Inspired by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s wisdom talks
Written by: Pratibha Sharma
