Khush khabar he kya? 😄
‘Just Married’ to ‘Honeymoon’ to ‘Adaptation Mode’ to ‘Sorry-Thankyou’ a couple is busy going through these phases, when gradually, first the relatives and then your friends ask …. “Any Good News?”
Khush khabar he kya? 😄 Amidst all the adjustments that a couple is going through, this is like “What? What did you just say? A child? So soon?”
Usually, the couples are not yet ready for a little one.
What to do about this? 🤔
“Yes, we will plan a baby but we need time.”
Time for what?
Yes, I do understand your confusions, fears, anxieties, what-ifs, and pain, being a mother myself. So let’s get started with the fears a parent usually has before conception, during the nine months of roller-coaster rides, the D-day (‘Delivery day’ What did you think of?), and post-delivery:
- Why bring a new life?
- IDK! How will I do it?
- What Ifs?
- OMG! The D-Day
- How do I hold the baby?
- Will I ever…?
The complete solution to all your fears of being a new parent is here:
Remember, a traditional and scientific approach to wash away your fears will be great. Believe me, it works!
1.“Why bring a new life?
First and foremost, ask yourself (along with your spouse) to get a convincing answer (for your baby). This will be a leap ahead in overcoming all fears and obstacles you possibly foresee.
Your spouse means life to you, isn’t it? 🥰😍
Nurturing his life in your womb is a feeling worth experiencing. Just from a few cells developing a supple lovely little one. And to whom, both of you will mean the whole world. So bonding with the baby starts before conceiving.
Are you still tense? 😟
* Will I actually conceive without any problem?
* Will my baby be normal?
* What if there is a miscarriage?
* Who will give us minute-by-minute guidance? It is just both of us in the house.
* What if something happens to the love of my life during delivery?
* What will happen to me if my spouse doesn't love me because I will grow fat? (though for some time)
* I will not be able to live a carefree life anymore.
APPLY BRAKES 🛑 to your high-speed ‘assumption rail’.
Everything is taken care of once you decide to welcome the little one. Becoming a young (25 - 35 years) parent is physiologically better than being a 40-year-old parent, to have a normal delivery.
Or it might just happen accidentally. Wow! That is fine too. It is a wonder. Cherish the arrival of a new possibility now.
2. IDK! How will I do it?
Wake up! From the virtual world! (mobile phone, video games, web series, webinars) This tiny little being is really happening to you! Learn to use the internet judiciously. Plan out time to accommodate all the new happenings and learnings in and around the little one. Withdrawing from the media sensations and melodrama will create ample time for the two of you to deal with new fears which had never existed before.
Prenatal yoga is of great benefit here. You get rid of nausea, a strange giddy feeling, lack of sleep, mood swings, and become physically strong by practicing prenatal yoga. Roll out your yoga mat for the special yoga for pregnant women.
Every day, continue with your household activities - cleaning the floor, washing the clothes in buckets, kneading flour, etc. When you remain active throughout the day, the possibility of your baby being active is higher. Women with heavy lower abdomen are suggested to go for a walk, twice a day. I used to mop the floor in a squat posture which helped me in easy and natural delivery.
At the beginning of the third trimester, weight increases considerably causing discomfort. Click here for some restorative yoga poses to relieve fatigue and water retention.
While conducting my research on this subject, I interviewed a few expectant mothers. I inferred that those who were active throughout the day had fewer worrying thoughts and a calm mind. Remaining calm during pregnancy develops a happy child.
When I recall, the one thing I did without fail during the nine months was ‘humming the walk’. Throughout walking, I would hum ‘Om Namoh Narayanaya’. Incredibly, later to soothe my crying baby, the same humming worked like a miracle lullaby. The story of Abhimanyu in Subhadra’s womb, listening to the art of entering a Chakravyuha, became an experience for me.
Reciting holy scriptures, chanting powerful mantras, practicing pranayama and meditation, come in handy when your mind throws you off balance during pregnancy.
3. What Ifs?
The other issues faced during pregnancy include lack of sex, conflict over evolving new roles, and clash due to different ways of handling challenges. When the hubby wants to watch ESPN, the equal half is looking forward to a gentle massage to soothe her weariness. Here, communication and understanding help to some extent. You may be going through some rough patches, but set them aside and don’t let them overshadow the beautiful moments of baby kicks. When ‘talk it out’ is insufficient, MOVE ON is the key.
The Coronavirus epidemic increases the risk of perinatal anxiety. To overcome it, settle down in a quiet corner and click here.
Patience is the key from conceiving the baby to babyhood care. You need to understand that this phase is not permanent. You are not the only one giving birth. Can you do better by having fears? Absolutely Not! So relax!
4. OMG! The D-Day
Anxious about the delivery, pain, and well-being of the new one? Our ancient experience says - during normal delivery when the mother is told to push the baby, she happens to scream “AHHH” with pain. With the sound, the baby is actually being pulled upwards as the breath is exhaled. So never scream on the labor bed for smooth delivery. Just push and push and push. You have the power to manifest a new life. You are a CREATOR!
The fear of the one who is a father gets stressed and a feeling of helplessness creeps in when he sees his lady-in-love in pain and discomfort. So, when he too becomes a regular meditator, the thinking of the couple comes will be in sync with each other.
Relax the chattering mind with pranayama and meditation. Settle down all the bees from your buzzing mind. Your thoughts are like the passing clouds. The vastness of the sky remains the same. Just as MMOG (Massively multiplayer online game) comes naturally to you, so will each stage of pregnancy and parenthood. When you are bearing the bundle of joy in your tummy, carry this amazing feeling the entire day by meditating.
Fear thins down when there is a deep sense of commitment and love. In adventure, there is no fear. This stage of motherhood should be taken as an adventure (khataron ke khiladi). Then parenthood will not be fearsome. It will be a pleasant journey.
5. How will I hold the baby?
Some rehearsals are required. In a joint family, perhaps this fear didn’t exist. You already get a chance to do so with your nieces and nephews. Now, what to do? Visit your friends and relatives. Spend quality time with their tiny tots and learn to swaddle babies. Maintain hygiene. Support your baby’s head and neck. Don’t be in a hurry to learn all in a day. Preparation makes you confident. A parent discovers the strength (physical and mental) which was never required.
6. Will I ever…?
Will I ever be back in shape? You need not fear the baby bump after the delivery. When you practice specific yoga poses for six months after delivery, you will be back in shape. Don't compare yourself with the actress who is under pressure from the media and fans to be in shape at the blink of an eye. For these six months, continue with pranayama and meditation, to restore all the energy required for taking care of your little one. I took out time for practicing Sudarshan Kriya from my busy schedule with my baby. This contributed to keeping my spirits high.
Will I ever… know why my child is crying? A great guide to such queries is to observe your baby and believe in instinct. It may be feeding time, potty time, bad tummy, or the baby may call you for no reason at all. Talking to your baby and understanding his/her response breaks the ice.
Mothers get emotional at the cry of the baby but will gather all the strength to pacify the baby. However tired she may be, she will move on with a smile. This is the mother’s instinct. Here, regular meditators experience eureka at the snap of a finger. Patience even in moments of impatience! Some share that consistently practicing Nadi Shodhan helps achieve this poise. Nadi Shodhan harmonizes both hemispheres of the brain.
Will we ever… get ‘COUPLE TIME’? Some have a very amusing feeling, especially the new fathers. Will we get ‘couple time’? Babies don't wreck relationships. They help in nurturing relationships. Club your efforts. Here, Dadi-Nani-Masi-Bua come to your rescue and babysit, while you dance with your partner or go out for a lovey-dovey candle night dinner.
Will we ever… align (organize) ourselves to be a better parent to our child. With the baby comes a carrier, stroller, baby clothes, baby shoes, health tonics, massage oils, rocking chair, diaper or nappies, feeding bottles, etc. Be proactive and organize space for the new one’s stuff. Or it will be a hassle later.
Will I ever… get time for rest? Let the man of the house cook. You go grab a nap. When your tiny tot is asleep, it should be nap time for you too.
BONUS:
Dadi-Nani (grandmothers) play a very important role. Their love for the baby is much more. Their experience of these nine months is much more profound. The elders say when you are just about to go for a delivery, have some warm milk with dates boiled in it, which is good for smooth delivery. Stay in regular touch with your parents. Better if you live with them. Home remedies with their blessings are a sure shortcut to overcoming fears. Their presence itself relieves us from doubts.
When you accept the uncertainties of life, fear vanishes. Mistakes happen more when we are in fear. Stop pitying yourself with a whirlpool of sadness and emotions. Relax! Listen to people who had more problems than you in pregnancy. Trust me on this more than 80% of their problems get solved. The rest 20% was only imaginary.
“Combine inner peace with faith, and you have the formula to face any situation.” - Gurudev @srisriravishankar
