On a lazy rainy Sunday afternoon, my mind was unable to enjoy the much-cherished weekend break that most yearn throughout the week. My mind was idle and so with nothing to do, it was constantly going over and over my boss’ feedback on a project. Somehow, I managed to break the loop of my thoughts for a few minutes and I finally settled on watching the movie Kung Fu Panda. I adore the character ’Po’ the panda, and the movie has its own share of profound insights which have helped me time and again whenever I am stuck in limbo.
Negative feedback is a common occurrence in life. Like in the movie, Po, too, receives negative feedback but they shape his character. So much so that he becomes a Kung Fu master. But that’s the adorable reality of the animated universe, whereas we in the real world find it certainly difficult to easily move on from negative comments.
It is our mind’s tendency to hold on and harp on negative comments. This tendency of the mind to fixate on negative comments is called "negative bias," the gift of evolution. I call it the gift of evolution because unlike earlier, where the same tendency helped in recognizing dangers and deciding whether it’s a fight or flight situation, has today got the mind stuck in the maze of negativity.
In professional life, we get to hear both sides of feedback, negative and positive, but we end up pondering over the negative comments until it stresses us out. That's the reason why finding ourselves as the stars of our colleague's gossip makes us angry and upset, our whole day goes for a toss when our punctuality is questioned upon or when our powerpoint presentation is critiqued upon. When the mind gets hooked to these comments, our inefficiency surfaces, leading us to become under-productive.
Having seen and helped people with their negative bias, The Art of Living corporate trainer, Ajey Vij, says, "Supposably, we work together and while conversing if I make one offhand remark at you, it can overshadow all the positive compliments made previously, making you vulnerable towards me whenever we meet next. If you observe the mechanism of the mind, its tendency to cling to things which are negative stops you from being efficient at your workplace. And the more the mind clings to things which are negative, the more difficult it becomes for you to connect with a larger group of people at your workplace.”
Ajey mentions in his first job, barely six or seven months into it, he went up to his boss demanding to leave the job.
“On being asked the reason I said that everything is wrong in this organization and nothing works right. We have got a problem with the staff, the vendors and ever-growing politics. I cannot work in this organization. My boss being exceptionally nice to me after my outburst asked me to sit for some time and offered me an ice-cold drink. After a few minutes, he said, he agreed with everything, but, asked me a question: “do you know that because of all these problems, you have a job?” I was suddenly awake,” says Ajey.
That was the day, Ajey says, he realized that our role in any organization was to solve the problems of that organization and not to whine about it. However, when the mind tends to cling to things which are negative, many a time, rather than being part of the solution, we end up becoming part of the problem. So, to hone your skills of leadership, you have to develop the ability to be always a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. You can achieve this only when you train your mind to focus on things which are positive and not allow the mind to cling on to negativity.
It is human to succumb to negative bias but it is wise to withstand the negativity and defy it on your way towards a positive mind frame.
But how to untangle and loosen the negative cluttered thoughts in the mind?
Being mindful can do the trick for you. Mindfulness makes you aware of the negative bias arising out of different situations and helps you to detangle and untie the negativity from them. Being mindful makes you rooted in your present while making you conscious of your present thoughts and helping you to distinguish between the negative and self-limiting thoughts and the positive and more freeing thoughts. When you are in tune with your present, you train your mind to focus and cherish the small joys of life hence move on from negative bias.
Written By: Jaya Singh
Based on inputs from Ajey Vij, Corporate Trainer, The Art of Living
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