“Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”
– Nathaniel Hawthorne, American novelist
Almost all thoughts and actions in life are aimed at becoming happy, aren’t they? The food you eat, the dress you wear, the car you drive, the person you spend time with, the work you do. We try to choose happiness every moment in life.
For its part, happiness plays a very tantalizing game. While it doesn’t ever completely disappear from your life, it tends to rear its head, every now and then, to give you a brief glimpse. This encourages you to chase it down. Trekkers will attest to the fact that the peaks of hills play the very same game. Just as you seem to be within grasping range, they move farther away!
So, how can you make happiness a resident rather than a visitor in your abode? Incorporating some of these ideas may help you.
How to choose happiness in life
1. Let your happiness not depend on external factors
What makes you happy? Love, position, wealth, marriage, degrees, travel? To an extent, these things do make you happy.
However, if you stick around and observe long enough, you will notice that each of them require incessant feeding. For instance, if a million bucks makes you happy today, two million will be required tomorrow and even more the day after. Such is the nature of materialism – it evokes and encourages greed.
Can you choose happiness even without these possessions? Happily, yes, you can. It isn’t the swanky car or the fat bank balance that makes you look and feel good; it is your mood and perspective. If you are not happy without these assets, you are unlikely to be with as well.
The simple truth is that you can be happy with nothing just as you can be miserable with everything! So, make up your mind to just be happy with what you have!
2. Choose happiness - in the journey, not the destination
Did you decide that the day you become the general manager in your company will be the happiest in your life? If you did, there is no doubt that the fruition of your efforts will be immensely satisfying.
However, remember that your journey to that prestigious post was also part of the happiness. After all, the thrill of being promoted lasts a few hours, whereas your efforts spanned several years!
Relish the hours of labor as much as the ones savoring the reward. That is the recipe for happiness!
Wanna know all the secrets to the best lifestyle?
3. Be aware of your time zone
Qualification by 23 years, marriage by 27, kids by 30, leading figure in your organization by 45, retirement by 55. Phew! Short of death, we have all our dates marked! What an ideal plan for life!
It is precisely that – IDEAL! Recognize it as a possibility, not the only path to take in life. Most of us live outside this plan. It is, simply, because we are each living in a separate time zone. Some things in your life will conform to this plan, while some others won’t.
Don’t link your happiness to the attainment of this or any other goal in the fixed timeline you have drawn up. Enjoy the mystery of life – sometimes, unravelling it too soon takes away from the fun of living life!
You can have it all. Just not all at once.
- Oprah Winfrey, American talk show host
Why we don’t choose happiness: superstitions and myths
Although happiness is one of the primary goals in life for most of us, it is quite a misunderstood emotion. Let’s look at some of the blind and baseless beliefs that surround choosing happiness in life.
1. Happiness makes me vulnerable to hurt and pain.
Sadness can guard me from feeling rock bottom. On the contrary, happiness is a better shield. It makes you stronger, protecting you from life’s tribulations with an invisible, but a resilient coat of armor. While not expecting and, consequently, sidestepping disappointment is not a bad idea, you can just be happy with what you have.
2. I’ll be happy when…
I meet my special someone or when I get that job or when this illness passes or when I go on that world tour. Until then, what? Will you remain unhappy? Conditions are the precursors of unhappiness. No special time or person can make you happy. YOU are that special someone, NOW is that special time. Just choose to be happy this instant!
3. Life and happiness are for the young.
Did you decide that you grew old at 50, 60 or just 30 and that happiness is in the past?! We are all growing older, but there is no correlation between age and happiness. You are as young and as happy as you think you are.
4. Choose your surroundings well
Your surroundings could involve the people, work, natural environment and even the food you eat. Ensure that these influences uplift you.
If too many desires come in your mind, or too much restlessness and agitation, then food, atmosphere, and association have been the cause.
- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
- Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people.
- Use the power of your empathy to help people, not to drag yourself down.
- Keep your body and mind as close to nature as possible. You could walk to work, take the stairs, and do yoga and meditation.
- Diet decides disposition. Ensure that you intake fresh, healthy and a variety of foods to keep your spirits up.
5. Perform random acts of kindness
Care about people. You could help an elderly neighbor carry her groceries, play with the children in an orphanage, or simply, hold the elevator for someone. Simple acts that show concern and regard for those around you will make you feel good in life.
Only when you exude love and caring, can you choose happiness in your own life.
Is there such a thing as too much happiness?
We don’t often think, ‘I am too happy’! But, when we do, you might have noticed that it comes paired with fear. The reason is that once you’re happy, you try hard to extend or replicate it. You, unwittingly, erect standards and begin comparisons.
So, one moment becomes ‘less’ happy than another, and soon, ‘less happy’ gets translated into ‘sad.’ This is the fall from the happiness you were anticipating, even dreading. This not only cuts short your happiness period but also caused you to, unintentionally, initiate the sadness.
Once you are aware of this trail of thoughts and action, you can be free of it. Allow happiness to enter your life. When it comes, don’t try to hold on to it. It will visit you more often if nothing obstructs its entrance or exit.
How can I be happy when adversity strikes?
It seems unthinkable, wrong even to be happy at certain moments. Bereavement, loss, tragedy…is it really possible to be happy through all that? Naturally, it is not. Embrace the emotions of sadness and loss.
Everyone experiences a cycle of emotions, sadness will move to happiness which will again move to something else. However, the choice of being in a positive mental space will lie with you. You can always choose to go back to your center of happiness.
Wisdom is to de-link happiness from people and situations around you. It is a matter of taking one decision in life - to be happy unconditionally. Develop the habit of being happy no matter what! You can explore some more secrets to happiness, and consciously, choose happiness every moment in life!
The Art of Living’s Happiness program is an experience that unites you, body and mind. Through a harmonious mix of yoga asanas, meditation and breathing exercises like the Sudarshan Kriya, you discover your inner spirit. Only with the union of mind, body, and spirit can you choose happiness every moment in your life!
(Written with inputs from Amol Wagle, faculty, Art of Living)
