By Sejal Shah | Posted: July 25, 2019
Frustration arises out of unfulfilled expectations or our own definition of perfection. We all go through life with our own personal set of ideas about how we think things should work out, how we think people should treat us, how other people should behave. When things don’t happen according to our expectations, we experience frustration.
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar suggests these 7 effective ways to deal with frustrations
In our day-to-day lives, we come across many situations where we feel helpless and frustrated. We want perfection and perfection is not available, and so we get frustrated. We want someone to do things on time and if they don't, then we get frustrated. We want things to be done the way we want, and if it does not happen, we get frustrated – isn't this the case?
In life, we will have 101 reasons to get frustrated. However, it is up to us to keep enthusiasm alive without allowing frustration to seep in. Here are some pointers to help in dealing with frustration.
#1 If you find any imperfection in another, don’t get frustrated and criticize them, instead volunteer to help them grow.
There are some very talented people in the world, but they too have some negative points. Now, if you look only at the minus points, their talents become invisible. When you are looking for perfection everywhere around, you forget to see the imperfection inside of you. You want everything to be perfect, but are you perfect? You have to look for that.
When you gain perfection at something, you will stop pointing out imperfections and you will stop getting frustrated by the imperfections of others, and instead contribute to their growth – help them become perfect.
Everyone has flaws, and everyone has some very good qualities as well. But if you see only flaws, then you will miss out on their positive points. Nobody can become perfect overnight. It is a gradual process, and we need to encourage and help them get there.
#2 Don’t get too caught up in problems and get frustrated. Know that every problem is temporary.
In the world we inhabit, there is pleasure and there is pain. This is the nature of the world. Some reason or another will always present itself to upset you. Sometimes it could be the behavior of a family member or the behavior of a friend. If the family is okay, then it could be the neighbors who are causing problems. And if the neighbors are also good, then it could be the dogs on the street who keep barking all night, not letting you sleep. And if that isn’t a problem either and there are no problems, then you are still not satisfied. Then you start interfering in the lives of people who have problems, and you try to solve their problems.
So, this life is very mysterious. That’s why it is said that this world is maya(an illusion) and we best not get caught up in it. Because this is what happens – you tend to get caught up in different situations that fill your mind with all kinds of negative thoughts.
#3 Keep your attention focused inwards – on what you are contributing, doing, saying, thinking, feeling.
To deal with such frustration, the best way is to keep your attention on yourself. Ask yourself – what is my contribution to this world? What have I done for others? How useful have I been to the people around me?
If your thoughts are moving in this direction, then you will not blame or hurt others. Otherwise, you will always find faults in others and lash out at them.
#4 If you catch yourself complaining, become aware and let go of your complaints. Channel your energy into doing something productive.
People who complain are not productive, and people who work hard have nothing to complain about because they are busy working.
Those who are not productive keep finding faults in other people. They find faults in the smallest of things. They are not able to see the good in other people and this leads to so much frustration. We must ensure that we do not let frustration seep into us. Keep busy, be productive!
#5 Blame and praise is part of life – don’t let them put you in a reactive mode.
If you live in a society of humans, then it is only natural that sometimes you will be praised and sometimes blamed. Suppose you are working at a company; you cannot expect your boss to behave in a way that is convenient to you all the time. You want perfection in your boss?
Suppose you have a boss who has a habit of taunting and has taunted you three to four times. You go ahead and label her/him as “hopeless” and you start behaving in the same manner with her/him. Your perception puts you in a reactive mode. You need to correct your perception, and understand that there is imperfection in the world.
#6 Accept people and situations as they are, and be centered.
When you accept that things are how they are and people are the way they are, suddenly you find the witness consciousness inside of you dawning, and that makes you feel so centered and deep. This doesn't mean that you should not point out anyone’s mistakes and just accept everything as they are. No!
I was driving past Kanakapura Road (a road leading to rural part of Bangalore, India) and I saw garbage on the side of the road and I told my secretary to immediately call the Panchayat (Village administrative office). They have been given two vans to pick up the garbage and get it done immediately. We have to keep acting in this way, but without getting frustrated.
It is very easy to wash your hands of situations and sit in the corner and feel, “I don't have anything to do with all of this” and let things run the way they are running. And it is very easy to get frustrated and keep complaining. But the perfect balance lies in taking action by smartly dealing with frustration.
#7 Consciously choose not to get frustrated, and maintain your inner peace.
We keep getting frustrated with others – this is a common occurrence. But sometimes we also get frustrated with our own self; we become dissatisfied with our own self, because of small insignificant things. Maintaining equanimity is part of Yoga – come what may, not letting frustration creep into oneself. Then the intellect functions better, the brain functions better, and you get ideas on how to handle different situations.
So, don't get frustrated with people and situations, and don't get frustrated about yourself because you are repeating the same mistakes again and again. Neither will help. This is a very delicate balance – to keep the enthusiasm alive within oneself without allowing frustration to enter. And acting only when and where it is needed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting things to go your way in life. But when they don’t, take a deep breath in and let it go, or meditate for 5-10 minutes before you start reacting. Take a pause and allow one of the above wisdom points to surface in your being. Rather than feeling frustrated, feel empowered to make the situation better by focusing on what you can do to improve the situation, instead of making yourself miserable by insisting that everyone else play by your own expectations and ideas. You will be happy and everyone around you will also be happy!
Part of this article was originally published on Art of Living Blog, India.
Sejal Shah, E-YRT 500 Sri Sri Yoga Teacher, YACEP, Art of Living Teacher, NYU Post Graduate Medical School approved Yoga-CME retreat facilitator, Mind-Body Wellness Writer, Homeopath
