Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I don’t know about it. But remember you are all born from sex. We have a tendency of saying it is bad or a sin, or on the other side you indulge in it too much. You must walk the middle path. Moderation in everything. Life should have moderation.

Sex is an act to bring the mind to the present moment. And there is expenditure there. It is not just the body that is there, it is the movement of energy within you that gives you a sense of relief or ecstasy.
Like, smokers feel a sense of relaxation when they smoke. It is not the smoke that is elevating you, it is the way you breathe, in a particular pattern that elevates you. A particular channel - what we call nadi – opens up. It brings a little relaxation.
When you do breathing exercise (pranayama), the same thing happens. A certain nadi opens up inside of you, and you feel relaxed, without the harming affect of the smoke that you fill in your lungs. You don’t need to do that.

So with sex also, an energy channel opens. When this energy channel opens up within you, it brings a certain relaxation first, and then you to have a scintillating heightened blissful sensation. This one can get in meditation also.
So in the ancient times, they have measured Samadhi or deep meditation as 1000 units of sex -- if sex brings one unit of joy, Samadhi is 1000 units of that. If sex is one little bulb of zero watt, Samadhi is a thousand watt bulb. That is the comparison they have given. That is why when you are in Samadhi, you naturally move out of the base tendencies. You naturally get transformed.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Mind is that which perceives. See, 'you are looking at me' is through the mind. If mind is elsewhere, you can’t see me, right? If you’re not paying attention, if you’re not being mindful, you can’t hear what I’m saying. When mind is elsewhere, can you hear what I’m saying? No, right? Though the sound is falling on the ears, if mind is elsewhere, you cannot hear. So our perception depends on the mind. But the totality of energy is what the soul, or you, are.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

First of all, there is a mantra for depression. You want to know how to get depressed? Sit and think about, 'What about me? What about me? What about me?' You will get depressed. When you come out of that, and see, What is it I can do, how I can contribute? You will have no time to sit and brood over yourself.

So, service activities is one thing. Then of course practice meditation and listen to knowledge. I have made number of knowledge series. All of this will definitely uplift you. If you have any doubt about it, just for sometime stop everything and see what happens. Just one week don’t do any breathing exercises, or any meditation and see what happens. Then you will know the effectiveness of what you’re doing, and how it is saving you from drowning into depression.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Now tell me, by being angry, does it solve the problem? No. It will only enhance the problem. So that is where we need to work together. Alone you cannot do anything. Alone you will feel very helpless. But as a community, as a group of individuals who want peace, who want progress in society, who want happiness, we can work together. We can achieve that goal.

You know, when there were problems in Baltimore and Washington DC., some of our volunteers got together and reached out to the community. They spoke to them and taught them meditation. Similar efforts have been put in other places too.
So like that, there are so many opportunities for everyone of us to come together and work as a group. We can bring harmony and peace in society. That is possible. Don’t lose hope.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Well, you’re asking the wrong person. I have no experience in this. But still I would say, you need to accept the differences, and not insist on others changing to your way at once. You can only suggest your way to others, but not insist on it with your spouse.

I usually say there are four secrets to a successful relationship:
1. A woman should never step on the ego of a man - this is very important. A woman should always pump the ego of the man.
2. A man should not step on the emotions of a woman. He should always nurture the emotions of the woman.
3. Both of them should not ask each other, “Do you really love me?” Stop asking, “Do you really love me?” Or complaining, “You don’t love me these days, you don’t pay attention to me". Don’t put the burden of proof on your beloved. They shouldn’t feel burdened to establish their love for you.
4. You be you. Walk your way, with a goal in hand. Otherwise, if you’re focusing your attention on policing your spouse, you’re going to spoil the relationship. This is what happens. You love someone very much, you want to know everything about them and you start policing them, and start asking them a million questions. And they get sick and tired of it, feel strangled and say bye to you.
It’s not just some misunderstanding. It’s too much expression of one’s love, or possessiveness which is like a burden on the spouse. You should give some breathing space to each other.
Take it for granted that there is understanding. Don’t question each other’s love or understanding. This is very important.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Pitru Dosha comes out of torturing the parents or ancestors. If children torture the parents and do not understand them, then that is called Pitru Dosha. The parents have brought you up with so much love, taking pain they have given you a good life, they have been by your side and helped you grow, and then you don't give them love and inflict pain on them, that is called Pitru Dosh.
But I tell you, your meditation, your being on the spiritual path, keeping a clean heart and doing a selfless service, to some degree will eliminate the Dosha from your life. See, sometimes people are miserable not because you did something to them, but they are miserable because of their own ignorance. They expect things from you which you may not be able to deliver. Then you don't get Pitru Dosha. It happens when they are really pained by something you could do, but you did not do. When you intentionally inflict pain on the parents due to your selfish reasons then that is Pitru Dosha.
Then what happens? The progeny will have problems. Your children will give you problems. The impact of it is -- children are born with some special needs; some deformities. These are all the signs of Pitru Dosha. Somewhere in the ancestral line, parents were very unhappy with their kids, now you have to become unhappy with your own kids. This is the law of karma.

But there is a remedy for it, and the remedy is meditation. 'Om Namah Shivaya' chanting also helps. This is why it's called Maha Mantra. It can rectify any of these Doshas. 'Om Namah Shivaya' does not belong to only one religion. It is universal and it is for everybody.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Yes, one of the four gatekeepers to enlightenment is satsang, which means having the right company because it is a good company that uplifts you.

How do you realize what is a good company? Just sit with someone and talk to them for over 30 minutes. When you get up, observe your state of mind. Do you feel happy? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel angry, agitated or sad? That says it all!

If you sit and discuss your problem with someone, and they appear to be insignificant, then that is good company. But when you discuss your problems with someone and you come out feeling, "Oh, I thought it's a small issue. It feels to be much bigger!" When the problems appear to be much bigger, then that is bad company. It's not satsang.

Satsang is one in which even the big problems appear to be much smaller. Your enthusiasm is high, you feel confident, you feel happy and you want to serve people. You don't become greedy - that is satsang. Satsang creates positive energy in you, uplifts your spirit, gives you insight and gives you courage.

Sometimes you live inside a bubble, satsang will bring you to ground reality. Suppose you are imagining something or hallucinating, satsang will make you realize the ground reality. It will bring you to a point where you realize that you are imagining, or whatever you were doing is not correct.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Well, prayer is not something that you impose on yourself or anyone else. Prayer is a natural call for help, or a natural expression of gratefulness. Prayer can happen only on two occasions:
1. When you are desperately in need of something then you pray. When you realize that you are weak and you cannot handle something, that is when you ask for help and that is a prayer.
2. When you realize that you have received more than what you really deserve, and it has all come to you as a blessing and as a gift, then the gratefulness that you express becomes a prayer. And if you extend this a little further, another occasion when prayer rises from within you is when you are in deep love with the maker of the universe or the divinity, in whatever form or formless way you perceive it to be. That is devotion.

So prayer is something which happens spontaneously. And it's good to have a few rituals associated with prayer as it adds some colors to life. When you pray in a particular manner by lighting a candle or something that brings up to the surface those emotions that are sleeping in you.
The benefits of prayer are:
1. It invokes those emotions that are sleeping within you.
2. It takes away the worry and burden in your head.
3. It builds confidence in you and you feel the connection from your side. You are already connected to the divine, but from your side you start realizing your connection to the higher power.
4. It puts you into a routine. Suppose you make it a habit of praying every day, maybe the first four days go without any experience, but on the fifth day, you experience something. It's almost like any other sadhana. So make prayer a practice in your life so that you know you have something to do that is ethereal.

Prayer is the way to connect to the something that is not so tangible but is existing. So, prayer could be one such link to the unknown and unseen. Falling in love with the unknown is faith.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I want you to take a look at your own emotion and the time scales. See how you felt last year at the same time? What were your feelings and thoughts during Christmas time or Diwali time? Just analyze, you will see that the pattern is happening year after year. This is what I call rhythm.
The objects differ but the pattern remains the same. Last year your were upset about something at the same time. The previous year too you were upset but for something else. So the object of your disturbance and happiness may vary, but your experience remains the same. This is what is called as a pattern.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

The moment you recognize that there is craving and aversion, I am getting disturbed by it and I don't want to be disturbed by it, you are already on track. See, when a person wakes up from sleep, only then he realizes, "Oh, I was sleeping!" In the same way, when you remember something, then you realize that you had forgotten. If you don't remember, then you can't say that you forgot. And when you remember, your memory is already back.
In the same way, this very intention that I don't want to be caught up in craving and aversion, you have woken up. Have patience, and don't be too hard on yourself.